dreams are the smartest thing my brain ever creates

so, ryan jones. here is a new post. so sorry to keep you waiting. im sure there are so many faithful readers of this intellectual BLOG of mine just DYING for me to update. haha.


















lately ive been thinking.
which is odd, because most of the time i think my brain has either been permanently shut down, or else i was just hit in the head with some type of small object--possibly even a golf ball, i don't even know.

sometimes i wonder if anything i think has any useful meaning at all?
most of the time, probably not.
but i don't really care. sometimes i like the simplicity of my mind.
and most of the time, i like the randomness of my mind. especially when im sleeping, because my dreams are always wicked sweet.

so the other night in one of my crazy random dreams,
i had this dream about friend of mine. someone i hadn't seen in a really long time. it made me quite sad to be honest. but anyway, to continue on with this dream, me and this "friend" were "dating"...and i decided that in the dream, i needed more in life. i--"we" packed up our bags, hit the road, and ended up in flipp'n hollywood. i started my own tv show, and made lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
woohoo!


(side note) ...when you're a college student, $$$ is always good news :)

anyway, i became this crazy popular tv star--heck yeah.
so the more famous i became, and the more $$$ i got paid...
i realized that i still wasn't satisfied.
my two co-producers of this "show-of-mine" always fought.
i'd always have to listen to all their stupid drama and they'd always try to get me to pick sides.
that wore me out hardcore. in the mean time, i was still becoming rich and famous.
somewhere in there, my "friend" became more distant and more distant.
i was a jerk to him. along with all my other friends.

story keeps on going and going.
however.
the end of the story. i wake up.
i go back to sleep.
and im poor. in this dream.
im poor.homeless.and hungry.
my friend comes up to me....but in this dream he doesnt know me.
he hugs me and feeds me.


i wake up again.

i always think my dreams mean something,
they probably don't?
but i like to think that they do.
SO DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE...geesh!

so in my simple mind.
i came to the conclusion, that lately i have been selfish.
when it comes to friends/family/time/love/money/anything
i push friends that need me, away...because sometimes im not in the mood to care for them

i dont get wrapped up in a relationship
because IM too afraid of being hurt.

i push some parts of my family away...because it makes ME less stressed

i waste my time and use it for MYSELF

i don't love NEARLY the amount of people that i COULD have time to love.

i make no money. im in college.
if you want my money.
TOO BAD.
get a freakin job or something.




jk...
ive also been selfish with that too. there's always enough to give.

however, in my dream....
when the role was reversed
and i was the one on the streets
that friend of mine had plenty of time, love, and what/not
to care for me.

i wish i was like that.
i need to be like that.


so anyway...whether it meant anything or not...
it made me realize that i had been a jerk to this friend of mine.
so i called him up the next night and after awhile i apologized for being such a jerk to him.
i had been selfish.
i thought about everything i had done to this friend,
and thought man...if all this had been reversed....
he'd be the one being SELF-LESS, and not so selfish.