have you ever felt a friendship die?

have you ever felt a friendship die.


friends are open with eachother. when they're mad at each other...they definitely dont pretend like they arent. friends argue-but they work things out...they dont just ignore their frienship. friends listen. and hold each other close. b/c that is what true friends do. they love even when it seems like it is impossible to love. and forgive like they mean it. and no argument--great or small--should be able to break that relationship...b/c in the end, you should always be able to pull each other through.

i used to have this type of relationship with a lot of people in my life. i dont seem to have that anymore. sad.
i think that some people try to fit in with whoever is around; put on a mask to cover their true identity. i dont get that. because almost always, that person is so much better than they give themselves credit for. i don't understand why people put themselves in realtionships that bring them down, or why they put themselves in friend-situations where they know they'll get hurt.

i say all this, as if i haven't done each of these things myself.

i think that as i have gotten older...each day has made me realize that none of those things are imporant anymore. or maybe ive just learned that this year from all this stress ive been trying to sort through in my life.

lately ive learned that true friends are hard to come across. they might say theyre your best friend--or even just a friend--but when it comes down to it, theyd just as well leave you out in the cold for the next best person that comes along. WHY? it's the story of my life.
ive learned that in life that popular gets you nowhere. maybe it gives the satisfaction of having an identity--which in the most part, is probably just another mask trying to cover some sort of hurt or identity issue.
the only thing that matters in the end is who you are at heart and where you want to go with your life. how would you want to be remembered? and better yet, do you believe in hope...forgiveness....love....eternity....faith....

or best of all...the healing power of Christ.
there is a quote that i stumbled across while ago that really hit home for me.


"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

here are my thoughts....It is obvious that at some point in a person's life, he or she can expect to be thrown into situations involving challenges and/or controversies.. I think it is during those times a person truly finds out who they really are and has to rely on inner strength to do so. Better yet--relying on CHRIST and HIS strenth to pull you through...and to even heal your sould. Although the smooth path in life is generally desired, it is during times of trial and tribulation that a person finds his/her true strength. I have been faced with many challenging circumstances in my life. Not only do I believe that during these challenging times I found more out about who I really am, but I also learned that I have been able to overcome a lot in my life. Although some people look upon challenging situations as a negative obstacle in life, I believe that it is just as easy to look at complicated situations as something that has been placed there for a reason. Looking back at some of the difficult situations that have passed in my life, I realize that the moments that have really shaped me into who I am today are the moments that I have been faced with some type of challenge or controversy.

life is short and time is always wasting away. that thought weighs on my mind a lot. i dont understand why people are so foolish with time and relationships. i dont understand why i have messed up so much in my life. you can never be someone else. i dont know why ive let certain people in my life get to me. i dont know why ive put on masks of false identities just to prove that im someone that im not. God made me...and you...just the way he wanted to. pefect. unique....and youre the ONLY person who can be you. so take advantage of that. if people dont like you for who you are, then you're either a complete jerk *in which case--you should probably work on that....
....or you just don't click.
dont follow down the path that everyone else does. follow your heart. and guard it with passion. sometimes i think people put themselves out there too much...and then get crushed.
i do the same thing. i dont show it very much, but im a very emotional person. i put up walls to try to protect myself from getting hurt anymore than i already am. i get my heart broken easily. most people probably dont know that. not even my close friends.
however, now every blogger reading this does.
but hey...whatever.
i dont think people realize how fragile the heart is. i think i finally am beginning to understand. it seems, at times, that my heart gets to a point where i cant fix it anymore. if ive seemed moody or emotional lately--i probably have been. im so stressed. im not saying this becaues i want some kind of sympathy. im saying this, so maybe someone else out there will realize that judging people should never be an option. &more importantly, at the core of every person, they are probably struggling in life just as much as you are. so why dont we all pull together...and help each other?

ive been really sick lately, and ive been to the doctor what seems to be--99.9999 times repeating; all kinds of testing. im frustrated. they cant figure out whats wrong with me.
besides the fact that im 98% insane =). *haha
okay okay...but on a more serious note
(like this blog isn't already..?)....somedays i feel fine, and others i feel like im not fine at all. i dont just feel spiritually sick. i honestly feel sick. lets just say that along with being sick...migranes are my worst enemy.

along with the not feeling good-ish stuff....ive felt like a completely new person since the beginning of this year. it's almost like i feel like i cant handle my life. i've held in all my emotions, and ive pushed away people in my life that i love. it breaks my heart. im frustrated with myself because i let a certain individual get to me in my life. not only did this person do things and say things that were way out of line--to me and a some other people i really care about....but i actually believed all the junk that was said to me. how foolish. and to the rest of the world....i put on an act...like everything in my life was and still is fine. honestly...i feel like every single aspect of my life--besides God--has fallen to pieces.
sometimes i feel like
i dont know how to handle things at all anymore.
time.
friendships.
family.
i dont know how to get better.
i dont know how to love someone without pushing them away.
and i dont know how to even handle myself anymore.

its like whatever i have has taken over me..or is definitely trying.
i dont understand. i never could make it thru all this without God. i know im just in some kind of valley right now *waiting hopefully to climb out...*--but it's frustrating RIGHT NOW. time and time again i feel like im getting discouraged, and God picks me up. i know most people are going through the same kind of stuff i am.
heartache. sickness. struggles.
.whatever it may be.
....im beginning to get a real understanding of how to handle some of these flaws i have found in myself.
im learning. im growing--in love ...faith....etc.
but i will pray. because the power of prayer is huge. i dont think most people understand that.
and whoever you may be...you can get thru whatever it is youre going through too. i love you, even though i may not know you. at heart--we are all brothers and sisters. i encourage you to find friends. true friends. friends can keep eachother going. so for anyone out there who has felt a frienship die...or a relationship...or maybe just someone you love....try to fix whatever it is that has been broken in your relationship. forgive them/ask for forgiveness...whichever it may be.
but don't lose people you love. get out there. and get them back. and while youre at it...
try to pick up and move on. with a stronger, and more solid relationship.
a wise friend once told me that "love covers a multitue of sins"
and i i believe this with my whole heart.

guess [you]

you] are my best friend. together...through thick and thin. you're the one who calls me at just the right times--and sometimes even the wrong times. you never give up on me. you know when you make a mistake, and you apologize like you mean it. when i make a mistake, you wait for me to eventually realize that i'm a moron. and then you laugh at me. it's hard to come across friends like you. i guess that's why you're one of a kind. im truly blessed to have you as a part of my life. thanks for all the awesome memories.

[you]are something else.

[you] are the best little cousin i could ever have. we have shared some pretty awesome memories together. i hope we never lose the friendship that we have. you're a sweet part of my life, and you make me laugh a good percent of the time. however, i'm not happy about the fact that you finally out-grew me. jk jk....i knew the day would eventually come. ;)

[you] frustrate me.

[you] are one of my favorite people. you make me happy. i miss you--probably more than you'll ever know.

[you] are one of my best friends. we don't hang out as much as we used to. but when we do get to hang out, i always have a good time. even if it is just doing something stupid. ps. i still have your Christmas present.

[you] are like my little sister. i like having that, cuz i get to watch you go through the same things i went through. sometimes, i think you try to put on an act to get people to think you're funny and cute. but i know the real you. and the real you is already funny and cute. i wish you'd claim your identity. you're a sweet kid. i love you.

[you] are a tool. apparently im a skease. i think that is slime.

[you] and i met in reachout. we didn't really hang out until the end of the year, and somehow after tour we became really close. even though we don't live very close, you're like a big sis' to me. i love you, and i treasure the time we get to spend together.

[you] and i have been friends for quite some time. every time i start to get the feeling that we're losing touch--you call. it's weird...it happens every time. you must have good timing. it's funny to look back at the memories we've had. like the time i couldn't drive, i didn't really know you, and you and your family offered for me to spend the night at your house because i had no ride. that was funny. you always make me laugh. and you listen with an open heart. you always give me advice. you make me think. we have discussions that i think about for weeks and weeks. making people smile comes naturally to you.

[you] are my cobid. i love you with my whole heart, but it feels like we've kinda lost touch. i miss how things used to be. someday--i hope we'll get back to that. you make me laugh. you are such a dedicated and determined person. you accomplish what most people can do in a month in a day. you've got so many talents, i don't even think you know what to do with them all. you've got a heart to love others. and you've taught me a ton in life. im grateful.

[you] have an odd sense of humor. ;) ha. we became friends when you were a freshman--you were having "girl" issues. it's funny how time plays out. now, you're always someone i can rely on. i think we'll be friends forever. cuz' even when im super busy and think "man, i really need to call/spend time with _____", you're name always come to mind. you always listen with an open heart. you're probably one of the smartest kids i know. you will go anywhere an everywhere with me....even to dorky things that i know you don't really want to go to. you're an amazing friend and i love you a lot. sometimes you have really weird dreams though ;)!

[you] and i are always sarcastic with each other. in fact, i think we're serious with each other about 10 percent of the time. we argue a LOT. but most of the time, i think we're just kidding. sometimes i don't know. you confuse me a lot. sometimes in a good way. you make me laugh. you're choice of movies could use a little help, but you're getting better. i like hanging out with you. but im not calling you anymore :)

[you] and me. reminds me a lot of "friends". ross and rachel. not even in a relationship type way. just because of how we are with eachother. we've had so many memories together, i cannot even begin to start. for some reason, we don't really talk very much anymore. to be honest--that's probably my fault. i don't like that you're far away. it makes me feel like we're in two different worlds--and we're not even that far. i guess im not used to it. you're know so much about me. you've been there for almost everything. i love you.

[you] are never there. but i've given up.

[you] are always there. maybe too much, but i'll deal.

[you] used to steal my cookies in preschool. i'm still bitter about that. it's a good thing that milk fishes exist--or you'd be in a lot of trouble. ;)

[you] are like my soul mate. Whipped cream and pineapple??????!!!???!!!! i mean, honestly--it's like we were separated at birth or something. gosh i love you. i hope we start to hang out more again when i get better! game night/movie night is sounding pretty good :)

[you] are my the best brother in the world. you make me spaghetti when im sick. we watch family guy and smallville together. you win free stuff all the time. we go get free stuff that you win all the time. and i laugh at you all the time, most the time because you're funny...but sometimes just because you're YOU.

[you] guys all left for the NAVY. i wish you could all come home soon. i miss all three of you!!!! and i love all 3 of you too! STAY SAFE.

[you] are the best. you listen to me ALL the time. you are always there for me. we laugh at the dumbest stuff...no wonder we're related. i think we should take stock in Lipton and or take stock in Tostitos. either would work out well for us. we might be able to add Campbells soup to the list. haha. i love you. thanks for being there for me even when im a grump.

[you] are the most thoughtful person i have ever come across. you have a heart for others. you a a lot younger than me, but i love you like a sister. i'm glad that we've started to hang out a lot. i'll love you for eternity--the bird thing! lol.

[you] are ornery. we make fun of each other 99 percent of the time. i hate you. nahh not really, i love you. ;) you fell asleep in etymology almost every day. i think that's how we became friends....? you tripped me in the hall everyday after class thinking you were cool or something? you're still not---sorry. but i miss hanging out with you. we used to spend a lot more time together. hopefully we can fix that here shortly :)! <3 ya kiddo.

[you]and i finally met last at one of our school dances last year. although i don't see you very often, you stay in touch with me about as good as anyone. you always make me laugh--you have a very funny/fun personality. you are always very optimistic...i like that. i think that if we lived closer, we'd be really good friends. you mean a lot to me. thanks for being sweet and for always caring. i hope i see you soon, i miss you.

[you] are very funny. it seems like forever since ive seen/got to talk to you in person. you live in my favorite place in the world, and im incredibly jealous. someday, you can teach me how to snowboard or something crazy :)! thanks for always checking up on me and making sure im doin alright. you're a sweet kid. im so glad i met you this year. hopefully over the next 3 years we'll get to know each other better. ps. coffee soon?!

[you] were my roomy at BU orientation. whoa. that seems like forever ago. this year has been kinda weird to say the least, but hopefully things will settle down soon. i can't wait for another 3 years with you though :). <3 ya.

[you] and i used to hang out every day. literally. but heck--we live like less than 2 hallways away. i miss seeing you though. can't wait til im back at school. hopefully we'll get to hang out some more. you're one of my bf. thanks for everything. remember that one time we made dinner at your house for that party? that was funny. or the time when we almost missed the first day of class in SOC because we were too busy doing NOTHING at starbucks. hahaha. i love you.

[you] are a very goofy friend. we get tickets at ICC for parking in the visitor's parking lot. we always end up in awkward situations. i say really dumb stuff around you, leaving you in awkward situations. you think buying gravity is a good idea. but ill buy air first. so give it up.

[you] are the greatest uncle in the world. i wish i could steal you.

[you] and i are DORKS. we make fun of everything and we laugh at everything. we run around the house and have fake fights....it's a good thing i always win ;)! hahahha. you're too smart for your own good...sometimes i think youre smarter than me....although i guess that isn't too tough now, is it ;)! i love you lil bear. thanks for being the sweetest lil bro out there.

[you] both are the sweetest. i miss creative days with you :(! i miss getting to see that lil' boy of yours. he's probably gotten so big since i've seen him last! we need to plan something soon so i can see you both. i miss yousssss!!!!!!!!!! you're like family!

[you] disappoint me

[you]are definitely an ugo. in fact. you give the word meaning. thanks :) i <3 you. we need to hang out soon, k?

[you] are there for me all the time. you love me unconditionally. you are unchanging. consistent. unfailing. you listen with an open heart, and forgive me for everything. sometimes i take things out on you and im sorry. i love you so much.

[you] are the best people in the world. i love you both. thanks so much for being there for me. i dont know what i'll ever do without you guys.

[you]don't know what love is. i can't imagine what you feel. because not being loved by you cannot be nearly as bad as not knowing how to love, or even what love is.

[you] hit me in the head with a golf ball the day before sectionals. i miss you. i hardly ever see you anymore. i think you owe it to me to see me again. haha. jk, but seriously. i love you kid. and i better get to see you soon. maybe i'll come visit here shortly...?

[you] have been a part of my life since i can even remember. youre like my lil sis. your family is like a part of my family. i hope it stays that way forever. i hope we're friends forever. i love you. btw. i want one of your puppies. they are so flippn cute.

[you] and i could be great friends. i think we're a lot alike. maybe even too much alike, but hey, that could be funny. i love you like a sister already. i hope this year brings a lot of memories. maybe someday here soon we'll actually get to do lunch for real!...my fault. <3 you!


[you]always seem to make my day.